When Santa Claus Went 
to The Front. 



BY- 



ETHEl E. REED and MARTHA G. KENDALL. 




PRICE 25 CENTS 



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When Santa Claus Went to 
the Front. 



By Ethel E. Reed and Martha G. Kendall. 



Copyright, 1918, Eldridge Entertainment House. 



-Published by- 



ELDRIDGE ENTERTAINMENT HOUSE, 

FRANKLIN, OHIO DENVER, COLO. 



<^ 



Pa"^ 



<^l^ 



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CHARACTERS 



Reader 

Uncle Sam 

Barkis 

Colonel 

Red Cross Nurse 

Rip Van Winkle 

Miss Ophelia St. Clare 

Topsy 

Shylock 

A Witch 

A Ghost 

A Fairy 

Four Jurors — one male 



Mrs. Ruggles 
Sarah Maud Ruggles 
Clement Ruggles 
Cornelius Ruggles 
Kitty Ruggles 
Eily Ruggles 
Peoria Ruggles 
Peter Ruggles 
Larry Ruggles 
Mrs. Santa Claus 
Sheriff 

Clerk of Courts 
and three female. 



DEC 12 1918 



VI {i \ 



When Santa Clans Went to the Front 



SCENE I. 

Full stage. Any interior setting. The Reader 
should stand at the extreme right of stage in front of 
the curtain. The first ten lines are spoken before the 
curtain rises. After each character has responded in 
turn to the Reader's introduction he shozdd remain on 
the stage, sitting or standing, unconscious of presence of 
the others until the Fairy awakens all. 

Reader — 

'Twas the night before Christmas, when in each 
house, 

Every creature is worrying, even the mouse. 

No stockings were hung by the chimney with care. 

For they knew that St. Nicholas could not be there. 

For St. Nick was performing brave deeds of war, 

While his wife, do her best, could not travel so far. 

Children in kerchiefs and parents in caps 

Could not settle down for their long night's nap. 

For months Uncle Sam had listened to much 
chatter, 

And now he is trying to solve the matter. 
(Curtain rises. Uncle Sam discovered in soliloquy) 
Uncle Sam — To be or not to be ; to do or not to do ; to 
conserve or not to conserve; to deny ourselves or not to 
deny ourselves — ^this is what my people are deciding. Nev- 
er have they failed me! How nobly they responded, 
4,000,000 of them, to the first Liberty Loan, and better 
still to the second. They have simply said, "My money 
is my country's money, when she's in need." And how 
industry has responded ! True, there are strikes and ex- 
plosions, but these have been the result of German money 
and disloyal aliens. But labor has been patriotic and 
capital has put its plants at the disposal of the govern- 
ment. And my boys! God bless them! America never 
has been ashamed of her manhood and is not now. I'm 



4 When Santa Claus Went to the Front 

pBOud of them. Mothers, dear mothers, it is you who 
really sacrifice. But how nobly you do it! Some may 
doubt but never a mother, "God's in his Heaven, All's 
right with the world." And loyal are all our women 
who so heartily respond to the call for the conservation 
of food and who so generously devote their time to the 
work of the Red Cross. But listen to our children sing 
"America," — there is the true spirit of patriotism. 
(Children's voices outside.) 

My country, 'tis of thee 
Sweet land of liberty. 

Of thee, I sing. 
Long may our land be bright. 
With Freedom's holy light. 
Protect us by thy might. 
Great God, our King. 
Reader — 

In war times each their place must be fillin*, 
And as you see — Barkis was willin'. 

(Enter Barkis) 

Barkis — Well, well, many's the trip I've made from 
Yarmouth to Blunderstone, yes, many Christmases I've 
dood it, but this un beats them all. Why that 'ere old 
horse of mine has hauled so many Christmas packages 
I'll wager he's packed a whole store, but this year it's 
different. 

Why, that load I fetched yesterday was no bigger'n 
what I haul in July. I reckon the nag'll be sleek when 
the season has closed. Well — Barkis is willin'. 

It's a heap they talk about these Christmas doin's. 
I don't pay much attention to it, reckon if I had a 3on 
in the army I'd think a bit different, anyway it saves me 
and my horse and — Barkis is willin'. 

I never did have much fer Christmas but since I've 
known Miss Peggoty it's different — but I wouldn't know 
what to buy a woman — so Barkis is willin'. 

I like to hear this war talk. I've got a kindly feelin' 
for the boys at the front — if I was younger and twarn't 
for Miss Peggoty I'd be there myself; it's all right to do 
a bit to help them and the poor starvin' creatures what's 



When Santa Claus Went to the Front $ 

got no money— so again, Barkis is willin'. 
Reader — 

The moon on the crest of the new fallen snow 
Gave a lustre of midday to objects below, 
While the Colonel paced through his room and 

thought 
This is a battle which must be fought. 
(Enter Colonel) 

Colonel— We are on the threshold of a great world 
crisis. Never in the history of man have such issues been 
at stake. Men have hazarded their lives for the cause 
of right and honor; nations have bowed beneath the yoke 
for the love of conquest; kingdoms have tottered and 
fallen for justice; but it remains for us to see the civ- 
ilized world enthralled in the conflict which shall decide 
whether future generations shall have tyranny or free- 
dom. 

We hesitated long— now that we have accepted the 
gauntlet thrown down to us, shall we be the last to cross 
the threshold? 

Citizens, what of our duty? We have money — do we 
use it for the right or hoard it for the greed of gain; we 
have intellectual geniuses whose talents the allied forces 
hava long courted; we have men, aye, men imbued with 
the spirit of our forefathers, as brave, heroic and loyal 
as any who ever entered battle. These are some of our 
resources. If we are entering the war as patriots all are 
freely given. 

Who dares say we are slackers in even the smallest 
degree. The stand-pat pacifist— where is he? Winning 
his ambitious laurels, bewailing the fate of a nation who 
cannot appreciate him. The Christmas-spirited man who 
cannot deny himself a few transient pleasures — where is 
he? Go tell him you who have some sparks of loyalty, 
now is his season to teach his children patriotism and 
rather let the Christ spirit seize him that they unto their 
children's children may be accounted as beiii^ the noble 
spirits of a loyal nation, which stood not m.ute when 
stretched to them in appealing despair were the hands of 
innocent nations, victims of violated rights, treachery 
and crime. 



6 When Santa Claus Went to the Front 

Shall we stand aghast even at the bloody spectacle of 
battle or shall we not rather with the chivalric spirit of 
the knights of old enter in and do our bit to make the 
world safe for democracy. And in this serving show to 
the world the dignity of service, the loyalty of service. 

Reader — 

With little black Topsy so lively and quick, 
Miss Ophelia was struggling until she was sick. 

(Enter Miss Ophelia, Topsy following) 

Miss Ophelia — Now, Topsy, I want to talk to you 
about Christmas. You know our nation is in a state of 
turmoil. 

Topsy — Please, Miss Feely, was dat ar state Kintuck? 

0— What state, Topsy? 

T — Dat state dey tarboiled. I used to hear mas'r 
tell how we came down from Kintuck. 

— Over in Belgium, Topsy, there are many little 
children who haven't any father and mother now. You 
have a father and mother, Topsy . 

T — No, Miss Feely, I never had no father and moth- 
er, I just growed. 

— We are not going to buy Christmas presents 
this year, we are going to send our money to those poor 
little children. The only thing I have gotten, Topsy, is 
some candy. It is in there on my dresser and you mustn't 
touch it till Christmas. 

T — Deed, Miss Feely, I won't tech dat. 

— I'll show you a picture of those very children. 
(Miss Ophelia goes to the table and picks up a maga- 
zine. Topsy takes a bite of candy from her sleeve. When 
Miss Ophelia turns around she notices a piece of dried 
beef hanging from Topsy's other sleeve.) 

— What's this You naughty wicked child, on our 
meatless day! What makes you ^ so disloyal to your 
country, Topsy? 

T — Why, dat ar am dried beef! How could dat a 
got caught in my sleeve? 

O — Topsy, you naughty girl, don't you tell me a lie. 
You stole that dried beef. 

T — Missis, I declare for't I didn't. 

— I don't know what I shall do with you, Topsy. I 



When Santa Claus Went to the Front , 7 

don't want to whip you. 

T — Laws, Missis, Fse used to whippin*. I 'spect it's 
good for me. But I never seed dat ar. 

— Don't you tell me that again. 

(Miss Ophelia shakes Topsy violently and the candy 
falls from her sleeve. Topsy throws herself on the floor 
crying and kicking.) 

T — Law, Miss Feely, I'll never do't again. I'se so, 
wicked. I'se so wicked. 

Reader — 

Like the man he was after twenty years' slumber, 
Rip thought about it too and began to wonder. 

(Enter Rip Van Winkle) 

Rip Van Winkle — I'm not myself — I'm somebody 
else. I was myself last night, but I fell asleep on the 
mountain, and they've changed my gun, and everything's 
changed and I'm changed. I don t know nobody and they 
all talk so queer. Everybody s talking about having no 
meat today and this is only Tuesday We never did have 
much meat at our house oniy when I happened to shoot 
something. Tomorrow they say it's to be wheatless — 
wheatless? That's mighty queer. What do the women 
make out of wheat anyway? Oh, I suppose bread, and 
pies and cakes, and so on. Well mother's old fashioned 
pone always suited me good enough. And what was 
that other thing that woman read off that card? Oh, yes, 
wasteless. Well, I guess if there are six or eight kids 
around and a dog or two there ain't much danger but 
that'll be all et up. But 'bout the best idee is not f ussin' 
so much over Christmas. That always did make me 
tired for to have to hurry so fast. Now if the women 
don't have to work at gettin' up a big dinner or gettin* 
presents for folks they wished they'd never seen, they 
can just sit down and rest and enjoy themselves. An' 
won't it be nice not to have no kid a blowin' a tin horn 
in your ear? Laws, some folks may think these things 
is a hardship but arter they try them onc't they'll think 
it's bliss. 

Reader — 
The Red Cross Nurse sees nothing in toys, 
In comparison with the needs of our brave boys. 



8 When Santa Claus Went to the Front 

(Enter Red Cross Nurse) 

Red Cross Nurse — An angel of mercy they call me. 
I court not that name. I am only an American woman 
trying to do my bit— and I stand not alone in doing it. 
Hundreds of others wear my emblem and yet seven thous- 
and more stand ready for instant mobilization. 

We are but your commissioners. You are the men 
behind the gun — and who are you? "You are the noble 
spirit of American generosity which has never been so 
strikingly exhibited, in so many forms and through so 
many agencies as during this greatest of all conflicts." 
You represent a whole country from cross-roads com- 
munities to metropolitan centers, thrilled with the spirit 
of self-sacrifice. You represent the mothers. Ah, moth- 
ers, blessed by all mankind art thou! Without a con- 
sciousness of your prayers we might falter mid the din 
and blood of battle, but backed by you for the sake of 
your boy, we will go forth seeking to alleviate his pain, to 
direct his thoughts and carry to him a mother's Christ- 
mas message. And after all it's the mothers who do 
the real giving when their sons go to war, and it's what 
you put in your sons that stands for the real stuff in 
the crisis. 

(If desired, the Red Cross Nurse may introduce the 
song, "She wears a Cross Upon Her Sleeve," at this point. 
This song will be sent postpaid by the Eldridge Enter- 
tainment House on receipt of 25 cents.) 

Reader — 

More rapid than eagles their coursers they came. 
While Mrs. Ruggles shouted and called them by 
name. 

(Enter Mrs. Ruggles; family tagging behind) 

Mrs. Ruggles — Sarah Maud, Kitty, Eily, Peoria, 
Clem, Peter, Cornelius, Larry. 

Well, if I do say as shouldn't, I never see a cleaner, 
more stylish mess of children in my life ! But I do wish 
Ruggles could look a': ye for a minute! Larry Ruggles, 
how many times have I got to tell yer not ter keep pullin' 
at yer sash? Haven't I told yer if it comes ontied, yer 
waist 'n skirt'll part comp'ny in the middle, 'n then 
where'll yer be? Now look me in the eye, all of yer ! I've 



When Santa Claus Went to the Front 9 

of en told yer what kind of a family the McGrills was. 
I've got reason to be proud, goodness knows! Your 
uncle is on the police force of Venice ; you can take up the 
paper most any day an' see his name printed right out — 
James McGrill — 'n I can't have my children fetched up 
common, like some folks ; when they go out they've got to 
have clo'es and learn to act decent ! 

Now I want ter see how yer goin' to behave when yer 
git ther tomorrow night. 'Taint so awful easy as you 
think 't is. Let's start in at the beginnin' 'n act out the 
whole business. Pile out into the hall there, every last 
one o' ye, 'n show me how yer goin' to go int' the parlor. 
This'll be the parlor, 'n I'll be Mis' Mcintosh. (Noisy 
clatter in the hall. They straggle in, all giggling except 
Sarah Maud ivho looks dazed. Larry falls in head fore- 
most.) 

There, I know yer'd do it in some sech fool way ! Now 
go out there and try it over again, every last one o' ye, 
'n' if Larry can't come in on two legs he can stay ter 
home — d'yer hear? 

(Go solemnly into the hall and enter with lock step, 
a scared expression on every countenance.) 

No, no, no! That's worse yet; yer look for all the 
world like a gang of prisoners. There ain't no style ter 
that; spread out more, can't yer, 'n act kind o' careless- 
like — nobody's goin' ter kill ye! That ain't what a din- 
ner party is. 

(Third time is successful.) 

Now look me in the eye. You're goin' to a Christmas 
party where they'll have a tree but you ain't goin' to take 
no presents fer that haint stylish this year. And when 
ye git thar and they ask ye if ye want to put any gifts on 
the tree, Sarah Maud must speak up and say, kinder 
sprised like, "We ain't givin' no Christmas presents. We 
sent our money to the Red Cross this year. Now, can 
you remember? 

All — Yes marm. 

Mrs. R. — What have you got to do with it? Did I 
tell you to say it ? Warn't I a-talkin to Sarah Maud ? 

All — Yes, marm._ (subdued). 



10 When Santa Claus Went to the Front 

Mrs. R. — Now we won't leave nothin' to chance. Git 
up, all of ye and try it. Speak up, Sarah Maud. 

Sarah M. — (Stammers). 

Mrs. i?.— Quick! 

Sarah M. — Ma thought we wouldn^t give no Red 
Cross this year — but we'd give our money to Christmas 
presents. 

(Boys giggle), 

Mrs. R. — Oh, whatever shall I do with yer? I 
spose I've got to learn it to yer! 

(Mrs. R .teaches to her word for word). 

Mrs. R. — Now Cornelius, what are you goin* to say 
to make yerself good comp'ny? 

Cornelius — Do? Me? Dunno. 

Mrs. R. — Well, ye ain't goin' to set there like a bump 
on a log 'thout sayin' a word ter pay for yer vittles are 
ye? Ask Mis' Mcintosh how she's feelin' this evenin', or 
if Mr. Mcintosh is sleepin' much these nights or if the 
baby still keeps him awake, or somethin' like that. Now 
we'll make believe we've got ter the dinner — that won't 
be so hard, 'cause yer'll have somethin' to do — it's awful 
bothersome to stan' around an' act stylish. If they have 
napkins, Sarah Maud down to Peory may put 'em in their 
laps, 'n the rest of ye can tuck 'em in yer necks. Don't 
eat with yer fingers — don't grab no vittles off one 
'nother's plates; don't reach out fer nothin', but wait 
till yer asked, 'n if you never GIT asked, don't git up an* 
grab it — Don't spill nothin' on the tablecloth, or like's 
not Mis' Mcintosh '11 send yer away from the table — 'n I 
hope she will if yer do ! Now, we'll try a few things ter 
see how they'll go! Mr. Clement, do you eat corn bread? 

Clem — We git that to home onct a day. 

Mrs. R. — Clement McGrill Ruggles, do you mean ta 
tell me you'd say that to a dinner party? I'll give ye one 
more chance. Mr. Clement, will you take some of the 
corn bread? 

Clem — Yes, marm, thank ye kindly, if you happea 
ter have any handy. 

Mr J. R. — Very good, indeed! But they won*}: give 
yer two tries tonight — yer jest remember that! Miss. 
Peory, do you speak for white or dark meat? 



When Santa Claus Went to the Front 11 

Peoria — I ain't particular as ter color — anything 
that nobody else wants will suit me. 

Mrs. R. — First rate ! Nobody could speak more gen- 
teel than that. Miss Kitty, will you have sugar in yer 
coffee? 

Kitty — I like two spoonfuls, but I'll just take one, 
cause our minister says we must save sugar and he don't 
use none. 

(Peter grunts.) 

Mrs. R. — You jest stop your grunt in', Peter Rug- 
gles; that warn't greedy, that was all right. I wish I 
could git it inter yer heads that it ain't so much what 
yer say, as the way you say it. And don't keep starin' 
cross-eyed at your necktie pin, or I'll take it out 'n sew it 
on to Clem or Cornelius ; Sarah Maud '11 keep her eye on 
it, 'n if it turns broken side out she'll tell yer. Gracious ! 
I shouldn't think you'd ever seen nor worn no jool'ry in 
yer life. Eily, you and Larry just look at the rest an' 
do's they do, 'n the Lord have mercy on ye 'n help ye to 
act decent! Now is there anything more ye'd like to 
practice ? 

Peter — If yer tell me one more thing, I can't set up 
an' eat, I'm so cram full of manners now, I'm ready to 
bust, 'thout no dinner at all. 

Cornelius — Me too. 

Mrs. R. — Well, I'm sorry for yer both, if the 'mount 
o' manners yer've got on hand now troubles ye, you're 
dreadful easy hurt ! Now Sarah Maud, after dinner, about 
once in so often, you must git up an' say, "I guess we'd 
better be going"; 'n if they say, **0h, no, set a while 
longer," yer can set; but if they don't say nothin' 
you've got ter get up 'n go. Now hev yer got that int' 
yer head? 

Sarah M. — Well, seems as if this whole dinner party 
set right square on top o' me! Mebbe I could manage 
my own manners, but to manage nine mannerses is worse 
'n stayin' to home. 

Mrs. R.—Oh, don't fret, I guess you'll git along. I 
wouldn't mind if folks would only say: "Oh, children 
will be children"; but they won't. They'll say: "Land o' 
goodness, who fetched them children up?" Now it ain't 



12 When Santa Claus Went to the Front 

quite time to go so you can set awhile but remember 'bout 
the Christmas presents, don't talk all ter once — Peter, 
don't keep screwin' yer scarf-pin; Cornelius, hold yer 
head up straight ; Sarah Maud, don't take yer eyes off o' 
Larry, 'n Larry you keep holt of Sarah Maud 'n do jest 
as she says — 'n whatever you do, all of yer, never forgit 
for one second that yer mother was a McGrill and she has 
the Christmas spirit of the McGrills. 
Reader — 

Into his house old Shylock goes 
Wringing his hands and wailing his woes. 
(Enter Shylock) 

Shylock — The curse never fell upon our nation till 
now; I never felt it till now; two thousand dollars in 
toys. I would that the Christmas shoppers were dead at 
my feet and the toys buried in the deep. Why, so, thou 
loss upon loss! The store stocked up with so much and 
no one to buy. If I can catch them once in a bargain I 
will feed fat the hated grudge I bear them. They hate 
our sacred nation and they rail, even there where shop- 
pars most do congregate, on me, my bargains, and my 
^vell won thrift, which they call greed. Cursed be my 
tribe if I forgive them. But I have my liberty bonds, 
my untaxed liberty bonds. They cannot take my liberty 
bonds though they do take my Christmas profits. No ill 
luck stirring but what lights on my shoulders; no sighs 
but of my breathing ; no tears but of my shedding. They 
take my house when they do take the prop that doth sus- 
tain my house; they take my life when they do take the 
means whereby I live. 
Reader — 

The witch with a cauldron in her hand, 
A look, which betokens some evil she's planned. 
(Enter Witch) 

Witch — Thrice the Yuletide fete has passed. 
Thrice the Yuletide log has burned 
Since the guns of nations turned. 
Harpies cry, "'Tis time, see to it 
We should do our bit, our bit." 
'Round about the cauldron go, 



When Santa Claus Went to the Front 13 

On and in the message throw — 

Men that under that cold steel 

Weeks and months for woe or weal, 

Have their lives — our honor staked, 

And 'tis time we should be waked 

From our tranquil, sweet repose. 

To do honor to all those, 

Who are facing our strong foes. 

Double, double, toil and trouble, 

Fire burn and cauldron bubble. 

Fillet of their honored toil, 

In the cauldron bake and boil. 

Honored is their toil and strife 

Day by day and all through life. 

Hark ! May that thought now take wing , 

And through all the ages ring, 

We, who may not fight the foe. 

Will in respect to those who go. 

Now let our Yuletide log burn low. 

Double, double, toil and trouble. 

Fire burn and cauldron bubble. 

For our hearts 'twill be 

To behold a gift-bare tree. 

No sacrifice, as 'tis to thee 

To fight for Democracy. 

Reader — 

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricanes fly. 
When they meet with an obstacle mount to the sky. 
So the ghost of past Christmases comes to life. 
And gives his opinion concerning the strife. 

(Enter Ghost) 

Ghost — There was an old Santa with a bag of toys. 
Who came to good little girls and boys. 

(Mum-m) 
He thought he'd go to war one day, 
To kill the kaiser, so they say. 

(Mum-m) 
But when he got to the war front 
He found it was no simple stunt. 

(Mum-m) 



IJt When Santa Clans Went to the Front 

So he wrote back to his wife once more: 
"You take the toys to every door." 

(Mum-m) 
She read the word, she looked her woe. 
On such a trip I cannot go. 

(Mum-m) 
The mothers to Mrs. Santa say: 
"Won't you take his place when he's away?" 

(Mum-m) 
The children to Mrs. Santa say: 
"Please bring us toys with which to play." 

(Mum-m) 
Mrs. Santa to the people say: 

(Mum-m) 
Reader — 

And then in a twinkle a fairy appears, 
Calming each heart and quieting all fears. 
(The Ghost sinks to the floor and remains there 
until awakened by the fairy, E.i^e^^ Fairy. She wavf.s 
her wand and all the characters fall asleep,) 
Reader — 

When who should appear but Mrs. Santa herself. 
(Enter Mrs. Santa Claus. She distributes her gifts, 
giving to Miss Ophelia a photograph, to the Ruggles chil- 
dren an old shoe, a torn stocking, a scrubbing brush and 
a box of Dutch Cleanser, to Shylock an empty money bag 
and to the Witch a stuffed black cat. With a nod she 
exits. Her actions must be timed to lines spoken by the 
reader.) 

Reader — 

Bearing her pack like a sly little elf. 
She spoke not a word but went straight to work. 
Distributing her gifts, then turned with a jerk. 
She gazes with pleasure at the ones in repose, 
Gives a quaint little nod and out the door goes. 
Reader — 

Then back comes the fairy with a wand in her 

hand, 
And all in a thrice they return from dreamland. 
(Enter Fairy) 



When Santa Claus Went to the Front 15 

(Ghost rises slowly and walks around looking each 
one in the face.) 

Ghost — Again man's clamor brings me from my 
grave. As when I walked the earth man is never satisfied.. 
I command you to tell me who thou art. 

Witch — I'm a witch. 

Ghost — And who art thou ? 

Shylock — By the Holy fathers, Abraham, Isaac and 
Jacob, I am Shylock, a penniless man of the Israelitish 
tribe. 

Ghost — And who art thou ? 

Mrs. Ruggles — I am Mrs. Ruggles who was a Mc- 
Grill and my brother is on the police force of Venice. 

Ghost — And who art thou? 

R, C. Nurse — I am but an American woman trying 
to do my bit. 

Ghost — And who art thou ? 

Rip — Me? I'm Rip Van Winkle. Hain't you heard 
of Rip? 

Ghost — And who art thou ? 

Miss Ophelia— I'm Miss Ophelia St. Clare. 

Ghost — And who art thou ? 

Topsy—Vm nobody— just Topsy, what just growed.. 

Ghost — And who art thou ? 

Barkis — Barkis, and for justice Barkis is willin'. 

Ghost — And who art thou ? 

Colonel — I'm a colonel who stands for the honor of 
my country, ready to defend her from injustice. 

Ghost — And who art thou ? 

Uncle Sam — Uncle Sam. 

Ghost— Enough said. Bring to trial Mrs. Santa. 
Claus that these clamors may be satisfied. Swear. 

Uncle Sam— In justice I will defend her. 

Ghost— Be thou counsel for the plaintiff? Swear. 

Colonel — I will. 

Ghost— Thou willing for justice, be thou the judge.. 

Swear. 

Barkis — Barkis is willin 'to swear. 

Ghost— Row many will appear as witness for Mrs.. 
Santa Claus? 



16 When Santa Claus Went to the Front 

I (meek) 

Ghost — How many will appear against her? 

I , (strong) 

Topsy — (Sings) 

Fly away old Santa's wife, 

Fly away to rest. 

Lay your kinky, wooly head 

On your mammy's breast. 
(Ghost moves towards Topsy) 

Ghost — I command you as witnesses to appear at this 
•trial. Swear. (All assent.) 

Ghost — Choose thou no common jury for this trial. 
Have but five members, one man and four women. This 
woman must be judged by an unbiased jury. Swear. 
Barkis — Barkis is willin' to swear. 



SCENE II. 

(The day after Christmas. The stage represents a 
court-room. Jury box right. Judge's desk left. Wit- 
,pess chair in center. Director will have to be guided by 
space available but give the setting the atmosphere of 
a court-room in so far as possible.) 

Clerk of Court — Oi — Oi — Oi. This dishonorable 
court is now in session. 

Judge — The clerk will announce the case to be tried. 

Clerk — Case 99,999. The abused citizens of Venice 
against Mrs. Santa Claus, charged with the distribution 
of ill-chosen, senseless, and disfigured gifts, on the night 
before Xmas. 

Judge — Who appears for the abused citizens? 

Colonel — I do, your honor. 

Judge — For the defendant? 

Uncle Sam — I, your honor. 

Judge — Any objection to proceeding to trial? 
(Counsel shake heads.) 

Judge — The sheriff will produce the prisoner. 
(Sheriff enters with Mrs. Santa Claus.) 

Judge — The clerk will read the panel of jurors for 
the case. 



When Santa Claus Went to the Front IT 

(Clerk reads four names,) 
Judge — The clerk will now swear at, I mean swear 
in, the jurors. 

Clerk — You will please stand and raise your right 
hand and repeat after me. (Jurors stand, raise hands,, 
some right, some left, some both, and repeat oath with 
variations.) You do sullenly swear to the worst of your 
ability — to judge unfairly and partially — all evidence — 
pro and con — whatever that means — in all cases — or 
other packages — presented to this court — so help you An- 
anias and Sapphira! 

Judge — The jurors will please be seated. The clerk 
will read the indictment in this case. The prisoner will 
stand and raise her right hand as the indictment is read. 

Clerk — Mrs .Santa Claus, the state of Cecil, upon 
complaint of the plaintiff, the abused citizens of the town 
of Venice in the aforesaid state alleged, charges and 
claims that in the night of the 24th day of December in 
the year of Your Lord, 1917, you did wilfully, feloniously, 
and with malice aforesaid distribute, place beside or in 
the hands of the aforesaid abused citizens of Venice, 
illegally, unlawfully, and fsloniously, heinous, horrible 
and hideous gifts without their knowledge or consent. 
You are charged on four accounts : to-wit — First, on the 
aforesaid night you did, uncharitably and with malicious 
forethought leave in the hands of Miss Ophelia St. Clair, 
a lady in waiting, a picture the exact prototype of her 
secretly, but continuously admired colonel who is here to 
defend the plaintiff. Second — On the aforesaid night 
you did deliberately offend the thrifty mind of Mrs. Rug- 
gles by presenting to four of her children one old shoe, 
one much worn stocking, a rice-root scrubbing brush and 
a box of Dutch Cleanser. Third — On the aforesaid night 
you did unsympathetically grieve Shylock, a panniless 
man of the Israelitish tribe by causing him to search 
for one hour through an empty money bag. Fourth — 
On the aforesaid night, you did daringly dispose of a 
stuffed black cat to a witch who had threatened dire re- 
venge on the real Santa Claus did he not this year leave 



18 When Santa CUms Went to the Front 

her a real black cat. What do you say to these charges — 
Are you guilty or not guilty? 

Mrs, Santa — Not guilty! 

Judge — The prisoner may be seated. To save time 
the witnesses will be sworn in at once. Will the coun- 
sel for the plaintiff read a list of the witnesses ? 

Colonel — Your honor, I shall call the following: 
Miss Ophelia St. Clare, Mrs. Ruggles, Shylock and the 
Witch. 

Judge — Will the counsel for the defense present his 
list of witnesses? 

Uncle Sam — Your honor, I'll call on the following: 
Rip Van Winkle, the Red Cross Nurse and Mrs. Ruggles. 

Judge — Will the witnesses please stand in a row 
before the Clerk of the Court and be sworn at. (Wit- 
nesses rise and repeat oath with desired variations.) 

Clerk — Raise your right hand and repeat after me. 
You do sullenly swear — without profanity — to tell the 
truth-^once in a while — to tell the whole truth — some- 
times — and to tell nothing but the truth — when you can't 
get out of it — So help you the McDonald Outlook. (Or 
name of local newspaper.) 

Judge — The witnesses may be seated. The first wit- 
ness for the prosecution may take the stand. 

Colonel — Miss Ophelia St. Clare. (She takes the 
stand.) What is your name? 

Miss Ophelia — Miss Ophelia St. Clare. 

Topsy — She spects to be Mrs. Colonel some day. 

Colonel — What is your occupation? 

Ophelia — A lady of Southern refinement has no occu- 
pation. 

Topsy — I dose it all; I make the bed and puts away 
Miss Feely's powder and all dem things that she has on 
her haid and dose everything. 

Colonel — Miss St. Clare, what is your charge against 
the prisoner? 

Miss Ophelia — She quite inappropriately presented 
me with a picture. 

(Topsy points to Colonel.) 

Colonel — Mrs. Santa, who has taken the work of her 



When Santa Clans Went to the Front 19 

husband, then has much displeased you with the gift? 
Miss Ophelia — No-o-o-o. 
Topsy — She liked it. 
Colonel — That is all. 
Judge — Does the counsel for the defense wish to 

examine across ? 

Uncle Sam — I do, your honor. Miss St. Clare have 
you the picture with you which offended you so much? 

Miss Ophelia — I have not. 

Topsy — Why what'd you does wit' dat ar? Don't 
youse like de Colonel no more? 

Uncle Sam — That is all. 

Judge — The witness is dismissed. Second witness 
for the prosecution. 

Colonel — The witch will take the stand. Your name? 

Witch — When shall we two meet again. In thunder, 
lightning, or in rain? When the hurly burly's done, 
when the trial is lost or won. That will be ere the, set of 
sun. And the place in the streets of Venice. There I 
will meet with Mrs. Santa Claus. 

Judge — Barkis is willin' to have that witness re- 
moved. Next witness for the prosecution? 

Colonel — Shylock will take the stand. Your name? 

Shylock — Shylock is my name. 

Colonel — Your occupation? 

Shylock — The merchants call me a usurer but I am 
a poor penniless Jew. 

Colonel — What is your charge against the prisoner? 

Shylock — I want none of their Christmas. I want to 
sell my toys, my store full of toys. She bought no toys 
from me. 

Colonel — Did she present you with any gift. 

Shylock — A money bag — an empty money bag. 

Colonel — You do not consider an empty money bag 
of any value then? And you think she should be pun- 
ished for not buying toys from you? 

Shylock — (Shakes head) — Oh, wise young lawyer. 
How I do honor thee. 

Colonel — That is all. 

Judge — Does the counsel for the defense want to 
examine across? 



20 When Santa Clans Went to the Front 

Uncle Sam— Yes, your honor. You are sure there 
was no money in the bag? 

Shylock — None that I could find. 

Uncle Sam — Let me see the money bag. 

Shylock — The money bag is good ; it will hold moneys. 
(Holds back the money bag.) 

Uncle Sam — That is all. 

Judge — Has the plaintiff any more witnesses? 

Colonel — Your honor, four of Mrs. Ruggles' children 
will be represented by their mother, Mrs. Ruggles (Nod 
to come up.) 

Mrs. Ruggles — Sarah Maud, Kitty, Clem, Peter. 
Now, Cornelius, you and Eily, Peoria and Larry stay 
there. You liked what you got. 

Colonel — Your name? 

Mrs. Ruggles — Well, my real name is Irene Sylvia 
Marie McGrill Ruggles, but if ye wanted a letter to reach 
me, I'd advise ye to address Mrs. R. U. Ruggles. You 
know at the postoffice it's only our husbands that count. 
We can't vote yet, you see. But you just wait till we get 
to vote. 

Colonel — What is your occupation? 

Mrs. R. — Oh, washin* and ironin' and bakin' and 
sweepin' and sewin' and dustin' and, oh, yes, keepin' the 
kids in style. 

Colonel — What is your charge against the plaintiff? 

Mrs. R. — Oh, I got four charges. Now there's Eily, 
she's got this old shoe. Show it to the man Eily. Now 
she wanted new shoes, any woman ought to know that 
much, and there's Peter with that old stocking. It's full 
of holes but I might of darned it if there'd been two of 
'em, and they'd been a little bigger, but that one wouldn't 
even make a pair for Larry. An' Sarah Maud got this 
rice-root scrubbing brush. Now Sarah Maud's always 
been my right hand man for cleaning up and fixin' up 
the rest of the young 'uns, but she can't use a rice-root 
scrubbin' brush 'cause this 'ud just ruin their complex- 
ion an' I allers was mighty perticular about my children 
and then Cornelius got that box o* Dutch Cleanser. 
What's a boy want with Dutch Cleanser! Course now I 



When Santa Claus Went to the Front 21 

iin use it in scrubbin, but a boy don't want that for a 
Christmas present. Now did you, Cornelius? 

Colonel — That's all, your honor. 

Judge — Does the counsel for the defense want to 
examine across ? 

Uncle Sam — Yes, your honor. Now answer me 
briefly. Did the children receive no other presents from 
Mrs. Santa Claus? 

Mrs. R. — Well, Kitty got a doll, the prettiest little 
doll you ever seen, and Peory got the most beautiful 
brooch and Clem got a mouth organ and kin jest play 
fine on it already and Larry got a nice horn. Show yer 
presents to the gentleman, children. (Four jump up and 
blow horn and mouth organ.) 

Uncle Sam — (Motioning them to sit down.) I 
thought these were the children you were defending. 

Mrs. R. — I thought yer asked me if the children did- 
n't get no other presents. I wanted yer ter know that 
Mrs. Santa Claus didn't give all unnice gifts to my 
children. She didn't dare, cause my brother is on the 
police force of Venice. 

Uncle Sam — That is all. 

Judge — Any further witnesses for the plaintiff? 

Colonel — None, your honor. 

Judge — Barkis is willin'. The defense will introduce 
its evidence. 

Uncle Sam — Your honor, the first gentleman I shall 
call to the stand is Rip Van Winkle. What is your name, 
sir? 

Rip — Rip Van Winkle, but most folks call me Rip. 

Uncle Sam — Your occupation? 

Rip — For the past twenty years it seems to have 
been sleepin'. 

Uncle Sam — You believe that Mrs. Santa Claus did 
her best in taking her husband's place? 

Rip — Better'n I could o' done, I know. But after a 
feller's slept 20 years he don't pertend to know much 
about Christmas. 

U. S. — You received a gift satisfactory to you? 

Rip — Yes, I got a beautiful handkerchief (produc- 
ing handkerchief). 



22 When Santa Claus Went to the Front 

U, s. — That would certainly be useful. That is all. 

Judge— Colonel, want to ask any questions? 

Colonel — Do you think Mrs. Santa Claus knew you 
and favored you, especially with that gift or do you think 
it happened by chance? 

Rip — Oh, she'd know me all right. Everybody knows 
Rip. 

Colonel — That is all. 

Judge — Bring on the next witness. 

U. S. — A Red Cross Nurse. Your name? 

R. C. N, — Mary Leonard. 

U. S. — Your occupation? 

Nurse — Caring for the wounded soldiers. 

U. S.— What did Mrs. Santa Claus give you? 

Nurse — She gave me material with which to make 
bandages for my soldiers. 

U. S. — Do you think that, on the whole she did her 
work well? 

Nurse — I do. 

U.S. — Then you approve of useful gifts this Christ- 
mas? 

Nurse — I certainly do. 

Judge — Does the counsel for the plaintiff want to 
examine across? 

Colonel — No, your honor. 

Judge — The defense will call the last witness. 

Uncle Sam — Call Mrs. Ruggles again. 

Judge — Mrs. Ruggles, I believe you have already 
given your name in full and your occupation. What tes- 
timony have you to give in favor of Mrs. Santa Claus ? 

Mrs. R. — I ain't goin* to say nothin' this time, cause 
Kitty and Peory an' Clem an' Larry were just so tickled 
over their presents that they're goin' ter sing a song 
fer you. Come on up Kitty, and Peory and Clem and 
Larry, and sing yer song. (They come down center and 
sing. *) 

Judge — Well, Colonel, want to examine that bunch? 

Colonel — No, your honor. 

^'*When Good Old Kris Comes 'Round" to he found in 
Ye Merry Tunes. Price 15 cents. , 



When Santa Claus Went to the Front 23 

Judge — Barkis is mighty glad. Any more wit- 
nesses ? 

(Uncle Sam shakes head.) 

Judge-^Uncle Sam will then close for the defense. 

U. S. — Your honor, I will review the status of the 
case. The charge is brought by the citizens of Venice, 
who term themselves "abused;" but are they? First a 
lady objects because she received the photograph of a 
man whom her slave assures us, she admires. Should she 
object to this? Mrs. Santa, who knows the inmost 
thoughts of all, but gave what she considered, and I 
think we all agree with her, a very appropriate gift. And 
consider the gifts presented to the Ruggles family — 
eight members and every gift useful in some way — ^three 
furnish amusement for the family, one serves as a beau- 
tiful ornament, two others well suited to the thrifty 
nature of the family, another serviceable for patches, and 
no one can deny the value of any kind of shoe these days. 
Another witness terms his gift unjust because it con- 
tains no money, but does that mean that he does not con- 
sider the gift itself of any value? If so, then let him pre- 
sent it to the court. (Turning to the Jew but Jew still 
keeps money hag.) And would this learned court con- 
demn a woman on the charge of one who can not give her 
name but only mutters revenge? Against this has been 
furnished evidence which proved the good work of an in- 
experienced worker. Therefore, honorable members of 
the jury, I entreat you to see that this prisoner is freed. 

Judge — We will now listen to the closing argument 
for the prosecution. 

Colonel — Your honor, in summing up the argument 
for the prosecution, I desire to be brief. To me the case 
already stands pleaded. We have listened to the plea of 
a woman — a woman of genteel birth and high culture, 
who has been wantonly insulted by what might have been 
thought to be a huge joke. And then a witch, in- 
capable of pleading her cause, however, your honor, your 
very manhood will respond to her rights as a claimant of 
justice. Next we were represented by a man, unjustly 
dealt with — yet who seeks for justice — not revenge. 
Therefore, your honor, justice is his plea, consider this, 



2U When Santa Claus Went to the Front 

thai in the cause of justice we seek alone oar rights. If 
thou follow justice the court of Venice nee:ls give fcon- 
tence against this imposter here. Lastly and most ably 
spoke a woman, sole champion of her children'? defrauded 
rights. In respect to womanhood; in respect to defense- 
less orphai.s, I beg of you hearken to that which she has 
witnessed. It doth appear to me you are a worthy judge 
— your exposition has been most sound. I charge you by 
the law whereof you are a well-deserving pillar — proceed 
with justice. 

Judge — Honorable Jurors — So much has been said 
by the worthy and wordy lawyers in this case that there 
is little left for me to say. I have not th ; eloquence of 
my learned friends, the lawyers. I am glad of it. That's 
one disease I never had. I charge you in respect to your 
duty to give heed to all that has been said, decide as you 
please and Barkis is willin,' The jury need not retire 
to the jury room to decide on verdict but decide right 
here. (Pause.) Hain't you 'greed on a verdict yet? 

Foreman — Sure. 

Judge — The prisoner will stand and hear the verdict 
of the jury. Is the prisoner guilty or not guilty? 

Foreman — Not guilty. 

Jurors — No, she's guilty. Foreman's a grafter. 

Judge — Well it doesn't make any difference anyway. 
I say she's not guilty, and in this court what I say goes. 
In behalf of Mrs. Santa's offended dignity, Barkis is 
willin* that ye git up and sing a song. 

(All sing a Christmas song.) 

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